“Could you please not do that, it’s making me uncomfortable… sorry”

Have you ever noticed how often we say “sorry”?

Imagine you’re walking through the supermarket or along the high street, and someone purposefully bumps into you. Instinctively, you say, “oops, sorry!” But it wasn’t your fault—it was theirs.

Is it bad that we apologise so much?

Maybe it’s the British in me, maybe I genuinely am sorry, or perhaps it’s my struggles with anxiety. Over the years, though, I’ve started to question why I, along with so many others, overuse the word “sorry.”

Let’s begin with a classic Oxford English Dictionary definition: “sorry” means feeling or expressing remorse, being penitent or apologetic. It’s a powerful word that carries meaning. An apology shows we care about others’ feelings, and it can even be self-healing. But, as with anything, too much of a good thing isn’t great. When we constantly apologise, we shift that care outward, prioritising others’ feelings while often neglecting our own.

In many cultures, apologising—even for things that aren’t our fault—is a social norm. It smooths over situations, takes responsibility, and demonstrates care for others. That’s not inherently bad, but it sets a precedent that makes it harder to direct that same care inward.

So, what’s my point? As society continues to normalise excessive apologies, we prioritise others' needs over our own. While it may seem polite to smooth over situations, this habit gradually makes it harder to assert ourselves and establish our needs. That might sound like a leap from simply saying “sorry” when someone bumps into you, but I’m talking about the cumulative effect of constantly apologising for things that don’t warrant it. This directly impacts our ability to set boundaries.

Over-apologising and boundary-setting don’t go hand in hand. To quote Brené Brown, boundaries are about identifying “what is OK versus what is not OK.” Enforcing them requires clarity and conviction. You have to state, explain, and stand firm on what you’re comfortable with. If you don’t enforce boundaries, they cease to exist. Yet, in a culture where excessive apologising is the norm, it becomes difficult to stand firm on personal limits.

Is this a bad thing? Yes and no. In many situations, we don’t need to be forceful about boundaries. But when we do need to enforce them, they often aren’t respected—by others or by ourselves—because we’re so used to softening our stance with unnecessary apologies.

Over-apologising has fostered a culture where prioritising ourselves feels selfish. This leads to guilt and discomfort when we do stand up for ourselves. I also want to acknowledge that women experience this challenge more than men. While I don’t identify as a woman, I’ve heard countless women share how they feel compelled to apologise just to get by. For some, over-apologising isn’t just a habit—it’s for self-protection. That reality shouldn’t sit right with any of us. So, to the men reading this—are we contributing to environments where women feel they must apologise just to be heard or feel safe? If we want to normalise boundary-setting for everyone, we need to start by making space for those whose voices are too often dismissed. Part of that means rethinking the way we use apologies—not just for others, but for ourselves too.

I’m not saying apologising is wrong. On the contrary, it can be incredibly powerful and meaningful when warranted. But when overused, it creates a culture where we absorb blame and overlook our own needs.

Next time someone offers you help, don’t say, “Sorry to be a pain.” Just say, “Thank you.” Next time someone bumps into you, wait for them to apologise. And when you’re enforcing your boundaries, remember: you don’t owe anyone an apology for looking after yourself.

(Forcing my cat Nacho to go for a walk… sorry Nacho)