You don’t need to fix it - just listen

Imagine this: A friend or family member shares something difficult with you.

“My dog just died, and I’m really struggling right now.”

“My boss has been unbearable today—I just want to quit!”

You listen, maybe feeling a bit helpless, wishing you could fix it—make their pain disappear. But all you do is hear them out. The conversation ends, they’re still upset, and you’re left thinking, “I didn’t actually help…”

But what if I told you that just being there—giving them space to share, without jumping in to solve anything—was good enough?

Most of us would struggle with that idea. After all, their problem hasn’t gone away. And that’s the heart of it: we’ve been conditioned to believe that helping means solving.

Whether at work, in relationships, or even in our own heads, we’re taught to prioritise solutions. Problems are nuisances to be eliminated, and we’re rewarded when we “fix” things. But what about the problems we can’t solve? Or the times when our “solutions” aren’t what the other person actually needed?

The Myth of the Quick Fix

We live in a world that values speed and efficiency—Google an issue, and you’ll get 10 solutions in 0.5 seconds. But human emotions don’t work like search engines. Grief, frustration, and stress aren’t malfunctions to be debugged. They’re experiences to be felt, processed, and shared.

When someone opens up to us, our instinct is often to:

• Offer advice (“Have you tried…?”)

• Minimise their pain (“At least it’s not…”)

• Shift focus to ourselves (“That happened to me too!”)

But what if, instead of reaching for a solution, we just held space for them?

The Power of Active Listening (Without the Fixing)

Enter the topic of active listening. We’ve seen a significant increase in focus on this skill (good!). The hardest part? Getting people to stop problem-solving long enough to realise that connection is enough.

Don’t believe me? Think about therapy. Therapists rarely hand out answers. Instead, they ask:

• “How does that make you feel?”

• “What do you think you need right now?”

• “Tell me more about that.”

There’s a reason for this. Most therapies centre on three core principles:

1. Empathy – Understanding someone’s world without imposing your own.

2. Congruence – Being genuine in your reactions (no fake positivity).

3. Unconditional Positive Regard – Offering support without judgment.

Notice what’s missing? Advice. And yet, people often leave therapy feeling lighter. Why? Because being heard is healing.

So the next time someone shares their struggles with you, try this instead:

1. Pause the problem-solving reflex. (Silence is okay!)

2. Reflect, don’t redirect. (“That sounds really tough.”)

3. Ask, don’t assume. (“What would help you most right now?”)

Being fully present—listening with empathy, reacting honestly, and withholding judgment—isn’t just “good enough.” It’s everything.

Be like Nacho, he's clearly saying "Lay it on me! I'm all ears (literally)"